Bloggers & Me

Approaching My Destiny

2005-01-30T16:57:00.000-08:00

I spent most of the week recovering from some awful beatings I have taken. However, this morning, I knocked on the door of a blogger named Beth. She even admits being in the conspiracy of the JesusLanders.

When she opened the door, she got a funny look in her eye. She started shaking and an odd sound came from her throat. Before I knew it, I was on the ground and she was beating me up and cursing like a sailor. It was horrible. But I finally escaped her but ran into a little girl who then beat me up. I ran away crying.

I left Mobile and headed up the Interstate. Near the Alabama-Georgia line, I pulled into the yard of someone named "Basil." I was desperate for someone to talk too. He was no help, but at least he didn't shoot at me or send his wife to beat me up. The good news is, I may have caught a break. Basil gave me directions to Knoxville, Tennessee and to someone named Glenn Reynolds. He runs a blog called InstantPudding or something.

I'm at the University of Tennesse now, using an InterWeb connection there. I'll be meeting with him in a few minutes. I like the fact I don't have to dress up to meet him and can wear these old jeans and my lucky t-shirt. And I brought him a puppy.

Carrying a puppy and looking like a poor hobo, he'll have to be nice to me!

The secretary has said I can go in now. I'll write more tomorrow and let you know how it goes. I'm so excited!

Mean Girls

2005-01-23T16:19:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week, I found SondraK who writes Knowledge is Power. While I agree with the name of her blog, I can't say I like her. She beat me up and stomped on my foot with high-heel shoes.

Later in the week, I located Susie who does a blog with Pirate Cats or something. She beat me up, too.

There's another girl I want to talk too, but I'm going to take a few days off to recover.

The Sunshine State Isn't Nice

2005-01-16T17:30:00.000-08:00

By Thursday, I felt well enough to travel. I arrived in Florida this morning. I had located Frank who writes IMAO. When I knocked on the door, that same crazy blonde I ran into a couple of weeks before answered. She beat me up again. When I got up, some crazy guy had given the blonde a gun and they both shot at me. It was so mean, I cried.

I'm not going to come back to Florida until Janet Reno's brithday party. Those are fun!

Broken Bones, Broken Dreams

2005-01-09T19:12:00.000-08:00

Monday, I found Nickie Goomba, but didn't talk to him. Those people scare me.

Wednesday I backtracked a little and arrived at the resident of Harvey who does Bad Example. When I knocked on the door, some lady answered and started hitting me with a stick. I lost conciousness, and when I awoke, I was tied up and hanging upside down in a tree. The next morning, Harvey came by and cut me down. He said something, but I didn't hear it. I was too busy crying and running away.

I'm taking some time off while the bones heal. I'm very discouraged. My dream may be shattered.

If I decide to continue, I'll be heading to Florida.

JesusLanders In The Blue States

2005-01-02T17:21:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, I found the fellow who writes Iowahawk. He started talking just like me, but made me sound like a fool. It would have been funny if he wasn't so mean. I cried a little.

Thursday, I finally found the guy who writes "Protein Wisdom." Then I found out he was a Jew. Those people scare me.

I have some others to look up, but I haven't seen a Church's Chicken in hours and hours. I got to get me some Church's.

Xmas Presents

2004-12-26T19:08:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week, I was in California and looked up the fellow named Charles Johnson. He wasn't happy to see me and hit me with a stick. But I got it on camera! YES!!!

The next day, I looked up the fellow who writes Right Wing Duck. But, I saw him from a distance and decided it might not be a good idea to talk to him. Those people scare me.

I headed east and looked up a girl that calls herself SarahK. She got a funny look in her eye then beat me up.

I got a Barbara Boxer calender for Xmas. It's just what I wanted. That Teddy! He said the took the pictures himself.

I'm heading up north, now. There are a few bloggers in the blue states I want to talk to.

Hitting The Road

2004-12-19T18:28:00.000-08:00

Wow! It's been an amazing week. After discovering so many other blogs on the InterWeb, I think I have a good idea about who bloggers are and why they do what they do.

I printed out a lot of information about people who do blogs. I have a distant cousin, Gordon, who goes to the Little Green Footballs blog. They make fun of him a lot, but he's a tough cookie. He can handle himself. He used to beat me up when we had the big family reunions years ago.

Tomorrow, I hit the road. I have a Rand-McNally map and a list of all the Church's Chicken restaurants in the U.S., so I'm set. Wish me luch.

Surfing The WebNet

2004-12-12T15:56:00.000-08:00

Wonkette was mean to me this week. She was telling me that blogs aren't really on the AOL, but on something called the InterWeb. She also said that when you go to different places on the InterWeb, it's called "Surfing The WebNet." That seems so silly, but I hear it's true.

The thing that bothered me most was her laughing at me the whole time. It's like she doesn't think I have any feelings. Well, I do have feelings. And I feel my feelings most of the time. Other times I feel something else.

I also found out that there are lots and lots of these blogs. And the people who do them aren't all located here, but all over the Earth and the U.S. both. That's so amazing. I thought they were just in the InterWeb, but they are in Florida, California, New York, and other places. I'll be doing more reading blogs this week.

I'm really excited about this new movie.

A Learning Experience

2004-12-05T17:11:00.000-08:00

Using the AOL has been a fun experience most of the time. But every so often, you run into mean people. Some of the people at the DailyKos were acting all smarty-pants and made mean remarks about my using the AOL. I don't know how they get on the AOL without using AOL. I think they are just being mean. I don't think I like DailyKos any more. They can be so mean.

New Friends

2004-11-28T07:37:00.000-08:00

I've been researching blogs by logging on to the AOL. I wnt to one of my favorites today: DailyKos. It's awsome!! You hear all about crazies in pyjamas with laptops. But I haven't found a bunch of crazies. The people at DailyKox are great!! Even if I decide not to do this film, I'll still be reading the blogs here on the AOL like DailyKox and Wonkette.

Going Online

2004-11-14T19:01:00.000-08:00

I bought my own computer today. It came with an American Online account. That means I have an email address. I'm so excited about all of this. I won't have to use Wonkette's computer to write this blog now. She has been so supportive about all of this.

The actual research starts tomorrow. I'll be using my e-mail accounts that come with the AOL for this. If you want to use the e-mail to make suggestions, write me at bloggersandme@aol.com.

The Dream

2004-11-05T17:05:00.000-08:00

It came to me in a dream. After the awful, awful day Tuesday, I don't even remember Wednesday or yesterday. I woke up this morning still at Ana Marie Cox's place. She was nowhere to be found. However, no matter. I had the dream. I know my mission.

To summarize, Tuesday we celebrated all day as the exit polls came in, showing Kerry winning. I should have realize that most of the people voting during the day didn't have jobs and would have been voting with us. When the blue-collar JesusLanders got off work and voted, everything went south, so to speak.

By 10:30, we were drunk on our asses, and I don't remember anything else until this morning. But I had The Dream. I'm going to make another film. This one will be about bloggers. After all, it appears that the rednecks have computers now and they all gather at places like Little Green Footballs and such. And there are enough of them to overcome purveyors of the truth like Wonkette and DailyKos. I must find out about them and their peculiar power over the mindless robots of JesusLand.

Thanks to my little Wonkette for helping me set this blog up. It was her suggestion to blog my research into bloggers. She's so clever. Such a little minx!

Tomorrow, I begin my quest.